Tags
contest, funny, Klondike Bar, man robs bank, murder, satire, seattle
Derral Roberts of Portland, OR was sentenced to 18 years in federal prison last Wednesday after his dreams of winning a contest went terribly wrong. Derral was attempting to win the grand prize of $1M dollars in Klondike’s “what would you do for a Klondike bar” contest. People were to submit videos documenting one “crazy” thing they would do for a Klondike bar.
~Contest entries were due by August 31st, and the entry with the most amount of vote’s would receive a cash prize of $1M dollars. Derral Roberts had meticulously planned the most outrageous stunt he could conjure. Derral had calculated the numbers and decided that robbing a bank would surely win him the grand prize and the prison sentence served for the robbery would average only 5-10 years; He would earn roughly $100k-$200k a year in prison.
~There were a number of things that didn’t pan out the way Derral had hoped. First and foremost, Derral hadn’t taken into account the taxes on the grand prize would be nearly 50%, meaning if he won, he would actually earn closer to $50k-$100k per year sentenced. This was if his sentence was between 5-10 years AND he was to win the contest. Second, Derral ran the risk of serving a sentence with no money if he didn’t win the contest.
After planning his video and the robbery, Derral followed through with his plans and robbed his local Bank of America. Derral entered the building with his gun drawn, and a selfie stick fitted with an iPhone recording video. An elderly woman had seen Derral’s gun and fainted to the floor. Derral yelled out, “this is what I’d do for a Klondike bar mother Fuc*#@.” He was immediately tasered from behind and promptly peppered sprayed.
After his trial, his sentencing date was set on September 27th, 2015; The contest winner was to be announced September 18th, 2015. During his sentencing he was informed that the elderly woman in the bank had died of a heart attack and that we would also be charged with murder in the 2nd degree. The judge sentenced him to 18 years in federal prison. The following day he learned that while he was posed to win 1st place, he lost by just a handful of votes to another contestant, “guy shaves head for Klondike bar.”